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Shadow-Work 101 & An Apology

It's always been the purpose for those who were sensitives, psychics, and channels to experience the movement of raising the vibration and consciousness of the Collective (coined "Ascension") first, to get to a certain point in their own growth and then intentionally pause, to reach back and assist those who are making their way but need guidance -- and haven't opened their own capacities for internal guidance YET.

Well, recently I've been feeling like the spiritual community presence on social media has kind of gotten caught up in its own movement and is distracted from the real purpose of being so "woke". I have absolutely partaken in this bit of delusion, and it wasn't until recently that I snapped out of it kind of abruptly. Let me give you the full story, so that we can use my experience as a jump off to understanding self-awareness and my favorite - shadow-work.

A few months ago I encountered a tweet where someone accused the spiritual community of "gaslighting" others for not being able to accept one of the complex truths of spirituality, though I can't remember which one. I think it may have been, "everything happens for a reason." At the time, I scoffed "Ugh! Of course everything happens for a reason it's the simplest truth of them all, people are just too blinded to the FULL life experience to understand! There's seriously no hope for humanity, my god."

If you cringed, were triggered or otherwise shocked by my response... You are not alone, friends. Say hello to my Shadow! I am not going to point fingers and call it names. That would be the most unproductive and detrimental thing I could do. Nor would I ever say that this kind of thinking or behavior should be validated. It should be used, like it was and is, as a tool.

Our thoughts, no matter how volatile or benign are incredible tools which we can utilize for personal growth. Separating yourself from your thoughts and observing them is called Self-Awareness. It is one of the key components in understanding your Self - the productive, the counterproductive, & the humorous. We all have programming. This programming was established between the ages of 0-5 and continues to run. It is mostly helpful, but usually has some limiting beliefs about yourself or your environment. These "bugs" are usually locked away in your sub-conscious mind with the rest of your programming until you become self-aware enough to de-bug yourself. Bugs consists of thoughts like "I always have what I need," or "I am not worthy of love." Maybe even things like, "I only get what I want when I act the way others want," or even "I am only safe if I am like everyone else." Take some deep breaths, depending on your programming exploring this concept can be triggering.

So, back to my reaction to the tweet. I'm not going to give you some miraculous story where I thought what I thought and immediately red-flagged the thought and then sat down with my journal to understand that programming..... Um, yeahhhhh. No, that's not what happened. What happened was, Life bestowed upon me a series of hardships so I could understand what programming the thoughts like the one I had, come from. It was kind of like, uhhhh going through a washing machine cycle on cold and getting turned and turned around and then coming out and vomiting up soapy water. I will give you real life examples, but my brain thought that visual of me was morbidly funny. So.

In real life, the Universe said "you will never be able to help people with that mentality and since it is your desire to help others, we will help you understand how it could be hard for someone to believe what you consider to be true." So, this looked like me leaving my old job because it was the right thing to do for myself and then watching my savings slowly drain away. At the very low point of this experience (where I was in FULL victim mode crying about the cruelties of the world [that genuinely I have not experienced]), I was ASKED by someone, "Do you believe everything happens for a reason?" I was speechless. Not because I remembered the tweet, no, that wouldn't happen for awhile. I was speechless because here I was preaching this way of life and I couldn't even gracefully live it. Red Flag: Victim-patterning, "The world is conspiring against me." & "I am not worthy of the life I want" & "I am powerless to create the world I want to live in."

I brushed myself off. I surrendered to the truth that everything happens for a reason. I learned a powerful lesson in the "importance" of money (we can discuss that at a different time). An amazing job opportunity presented itself to me while I figured my own stuff out and I felt and feel truly blessed. After that, I experienced "set backs" big and small-- burning myself by accident, car troubles, 24-hour power & water outage, and other general discomforts. EVERY TIME I struggled to find my center, find my faith in the Universe & understand the concepts that are intellectually ingrained in my mind. EVERY TIME I felt (due to my programming) that I was being punished by the Universe. EVERY TIME.

Until this past week. I discussed it on social - someone confronted me about something I didn't do, due to rumors they had heard. I wanted to fall into my victim-patterning AGAIN and in fact it still seemed to be my knee-jerk reaction... but I used some other tools like deep, soothing breaths. Knowing that leaning away from discomfort and into emotions like anger is a defense mechanism meant to protect our inner child from being hurt/traumatized helped me greatly. I CONSCIOUSLY (figuratively) moved my inner child behind me (to protect her) while I addressed the situation at hand without anger... and then once the direct confrontation was over I observed everything I thought about the situation for over 24 hours. I observed my feelings, my reactions, my patterned thinking, I worked to understand why I felt the way I did, what it brought up for my inner child. I used the situation as a tool for self-forgiveness, to understand the feelings my words and actions had caused for others, WHY I acted the way I did and to forgive myself for acting out of alignment. Then I set an intention for my own growth moving forward with this new understanding.

I am now at a point where I understand why the non- or new-to- spiritual community could feel like they are being gas-lit. Cool sounding phrases like, "everything happens for a reason" and "being so aligned nothing can mess with you" are triggering. Especially for a generation of people who grew up with a Punishment Complex due to the over-implemented and outdated patriarchal system of Control & Authority. I know for me personally, being in alignment sounds a lot like being "sinful" - due to my Roman Catholic & conservative Italian upbringing. The nuns would likely stone me if they saw a full list of the practices I implement for self-exploration, self-investigation and self-acceptance. In fact, I have been wanting to write the last three sentences for so long, but haven't out of the fear of condemnation. (From a young age you learn that Jesus died for being himself. Uhhhh......)

I am so tired of the use of social media to make ourselves look cool and woke and in the know (or wealthy, successful etc.) when we are just here to be the visible examples of the average human on their journey to wholeness. The idea of actively working to "build a following" has always made me nauseous. People are using marketing tools, power poses, and WISDOM THAT THEY DON'T FULLY EMBODY in order to get a buzz from the energy they receive from your likes and follows. I admittedly used to want that pat on the back too because of my programming but...

I'm tired of the wisdom that the Universe & the Earth give us to help us grow and teach others being used as a marketing ploy that doesn't actually help you anyway. Reading catchy phrases and not believing and embodying them (doing the shadow work) is harmful to your psyche. No one talks about the incredible amount of awareness and resiliency it takes to witness and experience your shadow and come out on the other side with the same Information that is being preached over and over. Except when you do the shadow-work, it's Wisdom. It becomes part of your body. It becomes part of your actions and speech. You no longer need an account to remind you of who you are. You just know.

So to those who have ever felt gas-lit by the spiritual community, especially if I have ever made you feel that way, from the bottom of my heart I am so so sorry. It is my intention moving forward to present and embody spirituality in a way that is inclusive to all. I am being asked to convey to you from the Universe that there is no one they would ever exclude from their love, from their acknowledgment and from their healing wisdom. You are ever supported, even when you feel the furthest from Them.

With love,


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